


Healing Process

by Publisher021



Series: Publisher021's Whumptober2019 [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Civil War, Civil War Fix-It, Hurt Tony, M/M, Parent Steve Rogers, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-Siberia Scene in Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Cries, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Whump, Whumptober, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 17:55:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20911733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Publisher021/pseuds/Publisher021
Summary: Perhaps seeing a therapist was what made him become even more in tune with his necessary bodily functions, such as crying, for example.It's not highly unusual. What is unusual, however, is the fact that he went to see a therapist in the first place.Never let it be said that Tony Stark never cried. It's just that when he cries it's not the cute crying, it's the puffy red eyes and blotchy face and the hitching breath that made him swear off crying altogether.But even he has to break at some point.And he had already reached his breaking point.





	Healing Process

**Author's Note:**

> Does posting a previously written work that I've already posted onto Wattpad count as cheating? I don't really know, seeing as this is my first time writing for Whumptober, but I decided to post it anyway.
> 
> Written for prompt 14 (tear-stained)
> 
> Day 3 of Whumptober2019

After the whole civil war and accords, Tony was broken. Beyond broken in fact. His husband had left him for his best friend. The same best friend who had tried to kill Steve and the same best friend that had killed Tony's parents. Basically leaving him to Obadiah Stane, who had, in fact, hated him and hired the Ten Rings to kidnap and kill him. Tony's life was so messed up he didn't even know what to do. He had trust issues and suffered from PTSD. He had constant nightmares and was always trying to fix his mistakes, but the team still blamed him for everything.

He had known that his life was messed up and tried to reach out to Bruce for help after the whole thing with the Mandarin but not even Bruce could help him. So he tried to help himself. He cleaned up his 'playboy' act and got married to Steve. They even adopted Peter, also famously known as Spiderman. And then Steve decided to throw everything away. He left Tony, his husband, and his own son. He threw it all away for his best friend who couldn't even remember him properly, but rather small figments of their friendship, fleeting memories of his former life before becoming the Winter Soldier.

So Tony tried. He really did. He tried to get over Steve but how do you get over someone you still love? He even tried to forgive Bucky for killing his parents but nothing worked. He tried to be a good father to Peter but it was difficult without Steve there to tell him how well he was doing when he was feeling low about himself and panicking about being like his own father who didn't even care about him.

Then Tony realized what he needed was someone to talk to. Someone to actually understand him and pour his heart out to. What he needed was professional help. A therapist.

For two weeks Tony had been seeing a therapist and he had to say, he was proud of himself for actually being able to sit down and break down the walls he's built over the years and talk about his feelings and problems. And it'd actually helped him. He was slowly starting to feel better about himself. However, the one thing that he was having trouble letting go of was how Steve had just left him. 

"Good morning Tony," his therapist greeted warmly before pulling him into a hug. He was still getting used to the whole hugging thing but if he was honest with himself, he liked it. He missed having Steve hug him. And any hug, even if it was from his therapist, was welcome because it made him feel loved again, and not as if he was only there for the sole purpose of paying for things. 

"Morning," Tony said with a smile before sitting down. His therapist sat opposite him, pen in hand and last week's notes laying in her lap. "So Tony, you've said you had trouble getting over Steve. I found a way for you to get over him," the therapist said and Tony leaned forward in his seat. She had his full attention. She slid a piece of paper and pen in Tony's direction. 

Tony looked at her in confusion. "I want you to write a letter," she said and Tony blinked. "A letter?" he asked in disbelief. He didn't know how writing a letter would help him get over Steve.

"A letter," she confirmed. "This letter, Tony, is a very important part of the healing process. By writing to Steve, you afford yourself the opportunity to thank him, or forgive him, or ask him why he did the things he did. Now, we don't mail the letter but the simple act of putting it on paper frees you, allows you to let go," she said, "Do you think you can do that for me?" 

Tony thought about it for a minute before nodding. He grabbed the pen and started writing on the given piece of paper. After a minute he was done and sat back with a satisfied smile. His therapist stared at him in shock. Surely he couldn't be writing down all his thoughts and feelings so quickly? Her other patients usually took half an hour to write down one or two feelings or thoughts, but then again, Tony Stark was a special type of patient. He never ceased to amaze her. Or to amuse her. He was the wild card.

"Now, what did you say to your former friend?" she asked and Tony glared at her. Steve wasn't his former anything. They were still married. They were just... taking a break, that's all. Well, he hoped they were only taking a break. He still loved Steve. "Sorry. What did you say to your husband?" she quickly corrected. 

Tony picked up the letter and cleared his throat, getting ready to read the two rather heartfelt words he'd written on the paper. "Dear Cap," he read, "Fuck you," Tony's therapist blinked and resisted the urge to facepalm. She certainly wasn't expecting that. "Okay. We'll try the letter some other time," she said. Tony nodded happily. He reckoned he did well.

*****

Tony lay in the bed he used to share with Steve. The bed still smelled faintly of all things Steve and Tony had this strange urge to scream and cry at the same time. The truth was that he missed Steve. More often than not, he'd turn around in bed to lay his head on Steve's chest only to find the bed empty. And that wasn't all. Sometimes when he was in the workshop he would find himself starting a sentence, talking to Steve, and then he'd remember that Steve was in Wakanda. 

Which Tony wasn't supposed to know about but he did. Tony's therapist had helped him a lot, but not everything was fixed. He still felt torn in between running after Steve and dragging him back home to live with him and Peter to staring into space, thinking of how Steve hurt him. And it hurt because he loved Steve and getting hurt by the ones you love was the worst way to get hurt.

Steve hurt him and, well, Tony knew he hurt him too but what was he supposed to do? Steve had lied to his face and then proceeded to walk away as if he didn't do anything wrong, leaving him lying on a cold floor in some abandoned place in Siberia. 

And then there was the deal with the burner phone. God, that old piece of tech was a sight for sore eyes. But it made some part of his heart warm again at the thought that it was from Steve. That Steve still wanted to talk to him.

So yes, his therapist did help him a lot. But some problems can't be talked about and hey presto! Everything is sorted. It really can't. And Tony of all people knew that. Sometimes all he wanted to do was to lie in Steve's arms again and just be. No Accords. No therapy. No stupid villain trying to take over the world. Just them. 

And that's why, when the compound was dark and silent, everybody finally asleep, Tony slipped out of bed and made his way across the room. His heart was beating erratically in his chest and his head was pounding in time with his heart, making his quest to the draw where he stored the phone so much harder. Tony inhaled and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the cool surface of the window, allowing him to think things through, hopefully with a positive outcome at the end. He opened his eyes and stared at the cityscape. It was quiet. 

And for Tony, it seemed too loud. He just needed... he didn't know what he needed anymore. He wanted Steve back. But needing and wanting are two different things.

Tony sat down at the desk with a small sigh before unlocking the drawer, eyes skimming the contents inside. Before he knew it, he was sitting with both the letter and burner phone in hand.

And for the first time since Steve left, Tony was sure of himself. He didn't have this feeling of being vulnerable. Not the way he was before. He was sure of himself. 

Tony picked up the phone and dialed the only number that was on the phone, waiting with bated breath. 

One ring, two rings, three rings.

"Tony? Sweetheart?" a worried voice asked. 

"Steve?" Tony let loose a shaky breath. "Tony, you called," Steve said in disbelief. The tone of his voice was happy, and just a tiny bit worried and confused. 

"Yeah, baby, I did," Tony said, his voice coming out shaky and choked up. He felt a stinging behind his eyes and he blinked rapidly. "What's wrong?" Steve asked and Tony just couldn't do it anymore.

He wanted Steve back. Right now. Right where he was. He needed Steve.

Tony's vision blurred and he sobbed. "I just- I miss you, Steve. I can't keep on going on like everybody wants me to," Tony sobbed. "Tony, put Rhodey on the phone. Or Peter," Steve ordered and Tony shook his head even though Steve couldn't see him. 

"No - I - no. I miss you, Steve. So much," Tony said, "I don't want them. I need you, Steve," Tony choked on a sob.

"I'll be there," Steve said, "Just - just hang on tight, okay? I'll be there soon. Okay, sweetheart?" Steve said. 

"Okay," Tony whispered. He heard Steve give a relieved sigh and what sounded like keys? "I'll be there soon, doll. I promise. Now, I want you to do something for me. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?" Steve asked. 

Tony gasped, small sobs still escaping. "O- okay," Tony said, voice raw. "Good. Now, I want you to get back into bed and lay down, okay? You don't have to fall asleep if you don't want to. We can talk until you do fall asleep. Tell me about your day. What did you do today?" Steve asked. His voice sounded slightly breathless and Tony could still hear sounds in the background.

And Tony couldn't remember the last time he felt this calm. Even after his numerous therapy sessions, he still felt slightly restless. Like an itch that won't go away, under his skin. Listening to Steve was quiet. He could relax. No rushing from one place to the other. No working on new updates for the team. Just calm. So he told Steve everything.

"I went to a shrink," Tony said, finally calm, chest no longer heaving with sobs. 

There was silence on the line. "Steve? You're mad, aren't you?" Tony asked sounding uncertain. "What? No, I'm not mad. I'm really proud of you," Steve said. He sounded happy. "You are?" Tony asked. "I'm really proud of you, sweetheart. Is it helping?" he asked. 

Tony smiled slightly. "Kinda. I still feel as though she's talking a whole lot of crap," Tony said. "Really?" Steve laughed.

God, Tony missed Steve's laugh. Tony bit his lip to stop the whimper escaping but Steve still heard. Damn super-soldier with his super hearing. "Doll?" Steve asked worriedly. 

"I really, really need you, Steve. I missed you so much. And I didn't know if you were being serious with the letter and the phone. It just said that you'll be here for me when I needed you but I didn't know if you still loved me," Tony whispered.

"Oh, Tony. Doll, I still love you. I haven't stopped. And I'm sorry for everything. I know it doesn't justify anything but I want to make it up to you. I think that we both need to work on our communication skills. Maybe I'll join you in your sessions," Steve said. Tony laughed softly. 

"That's a great idea, Cap. Did you mean it when you said you were going to come back?" Tony asked hopefully. "Yes, sweetheart, I did. I mean it. I'm coming back. I promise," Steve said. 

*****

Tony turned over with a moan, eyes still tightly shut. A hand wrapped around his waist and Tony opened his eyes, smiling when he saw Steve smiling at him, blue eyes sparkling. "You okay?" Steve asked. "Yeah, just a huge headache. Now I know why I never cry," Tony said. His head was pounding, voice rough and eyes feeling bruised. Steve laughed and Tony pouted. "I love you, you know that. I've never stopped loving you," Steve said softly. Tony looked down at their tangled hands. "I love you too," he said. Steve tilted his head so that Tony was looking him in the eye. "I promise you, that I will make it up to you. I love you. And I'm never going to leave you again," Steve whispered. 

And who knew that signing himself up for therapy and dealing with stupid shrinks who told him to write letters that he wouldn't send - who even writes letters anymore? - was a step towards healing? But the thing that really helped? The thing that really helped was picking up the phone and calling Steve. 

It was all part of the healing process. A road that they were traveling. Together. And that's all that mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you think. Don't forget to leave comments and kudos. I love reading everyone's comments and seeing the kudos.


End file.
